PORTRAIT 0

NEUROKILL ANSIEDAD EN EL DANCEFLOOR (FRENCH VERSION)

"The smell of the dead is that of the return to the cosmos, that of the sublime alchemy. For nothing is as flawless as a corpse, and it becomes more and more so as time passes, until the final purity of this large ivory doll with its mute smile and its perpetually spread legs that is in each one of us."
The Necrophiliac, Gabrielle Witkopp

Ano is a monster that moves in the softest night.

In the beginning he was just a trans baby who cooked tracklists and played after others on the turntables of queer parties.

Within two years he reached the top of hardcore to take over the stage as Neurokill. And Neurokill is, to us, the most important DJ in Mexico City right now.

Last winter we went to the Terminal Antisocal (MX)to see him live. When he came on stage and started playing, everything went dark and we went crazy. We danced as if possessed by the devil.

We were moving sordidly, guided by a telluric force, as it sometimes happens in the depths of the party, when the bass frequency finds the frequency of the blood.

How and when did it all start ?

I've been DJing for two years. And four years ago, I founded BabyRatta.

Originally it was a sweatshirt brand that transitioned, with my practice, to the production of parties and events in Mexico City.

I also tattoo with Sangre Sucia and sometimes I a model.

Those are the things I do to survive emotionally and economically.

What are you working on right now ?

I work as always for BabyRatta. With the pandemic, I'm playing online on different platforms. It's been increasingly difficult to physically organize events, but I hope it will be possible again soon because partying is my life.

I'm working on mixtapes with different groups, like the argentinean label AgvaRecords, Rinse FM France, or Clay Records in Chile. And right now, I'm learning about producing !

I'm also taking part with the collective Aesthetic Disorder, in the campaign Divas Nos Queremos, a project by the artist and activist Sofia Moreno. It consists in supporting creators and trans initiatives through scholarships. Our fundraising is available here.

The government will never be in favor of our events. Maintaining them is political.

On his table we can see the ever changing matters he wears while playing his long sweaty sets. His eyes change colour. His laughter is that of a child who knows all the games. Under the cathartic light of the mirror he puts on latex scars, eerie wounds, purulent carved smiles over his soft face, a face sweeter than a lover's look.

In front of him we understand that we meet one of the chosen individuals that we need to pull us through, the iconic goblin guy that visited you in a feverish nightmare, the symbolic figure that is also a friend dancing by your side. Forever consecrated as the body of a beast and not the body of Christ ; he galvanizes the mind of the sick and laughs with the party monsters. As queers and jotos and orcs united, we want to see in Ano posed there, smiling in the face of trauma, a hope to exist as we imagined.

What inspires you ?

What influences my work are mostly the emotions that are perceived as negative : fear, terror, anxiety, sadness... they cause a visceral crash inside me. It takes a lot of work on myself to bring them out, but I over the years I have learned to trust my feelings and throw them into sound. I also get a lot of inspiration from laughter !

What is your mantra ?

"Everything's all right as long as I have food and a place to sleep."

How was the monster inside you born ?

Ever since I'm a little kid, I've always had an attraction for the abnormal, the monstrous, the deformed. I used to hate myself - but I feel as if it wasn't my hate. It was the hatred that others wanted me to feel towards myself. I understood that I had to get away from all those who inspired me this hatred that did not belong to me.

I started living my gender freely and calling myself a trans boy. I also began my transition to monstrosity. By definitively breaking with the idea of the conforming male body, of the hegemonic physique attributed to individuals socially accepted as men, I then logically began to define myself as a transmonster. All the unwanted, all the non-conforming, all the non-beautiful is my monster. Transgressing all things is my monster.

Ano talks about the devils that wavels with him in the underworld. He speaks about their ugliness, which is in fact the fundamental and perfect beauty, superior to the beauty of the cherubs, closer to the original concept of purity than all the icons of the western minimalism that decides of all codes.

Fortunately and recently, we are coming out of the white and starting to understand colour. We are immersing ourselves in ancient shameful fears, that allows us to understand that darkness is not the negation of life but its greatest celebration.

Seems to me that satanism has always been, rather than opposition to God, the warm veneration of all fallen angels. Ano's only desire has always been to party with his friends, to stay in the stroboscopic lights, and in that he is, in our vision, an angel ; more : a herald.

What would you tell europeans about what's going on in your city ?

Stay informed, read about it. There's a lot going on here. We are living in an extreme situation of violence and repeated acts of hatred against women and LGBTs. The police rape, harass and kill us. Justive is a laughable concept. Each country is in its own state of emergency : it is time to destroy this cistem, which is creating a daily life of deep economic and social distress, especially for the indigenous population for instance.

What is your way of raising awareness ?

By being true to myself and my emotions, from my poop to my last hair. I believe that it's mostly by listening to all the languages (visual, performative, written...) developed in our community, be it mine or that of others. Many of us have a work of deconstruction and sensibilization to subjects that we are not comfortable with to do, to meffectively make things better.

It makes me happy that we are more and more visible, more united. Our best revenge is to exist and resist. Because the error is not in us : the error is in the existing supremacies that poisons millions of minds, exhorts them into thinking that we should look or behave to be validated. We don't need love, we already love ourselves. We need rights and respect.

Tracklists to recommend ?

Throw an ear at Jerome MixFiles. I like Agva Records a lot, HIEDRAH Club de Baile, DNTFCK, Subrealxyz, or HARD TRADE and PAN Records. Also listen to Putivuelta Bogota.

Todo lo no deseado y no hermoso es mi monstro. Transgrediendo desde mi monstro.

ÉVÉNEMENT0 · NEUROKILL - ANSIEDAD

TEXT : GATA ― PHOTO : ZOÉ